ADHD & Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
RSD absolutely ruled the roost for me for a long time and took me to some very dark places…
Rejection sensitive dysphoria had me going to therapy, always putting the blame on myself for relationships going Pete Tong…
I did all of the courses and inner work, trauma and attachment styles… It helped me understand other areas that I needed to explore, but not the intense emotions that came quickly and suddenly.
RSD is a misunderstood symptom of ADHD and is an intense emotional response to perceived or real rejection. It is physically and emotionally painful and traumatic to experience.
A significant number of those with ADHD consider RSD to be the most challenging part of living with ADHD.
It makes relationships and receiving feedback extremely difficult and creates a deep sense of shame around our heightened sensitivity.
RSD can appear in many different aspects of our lives, affecting our personal and professional lives.
RSD in relationships can appear similar to an anxious attachment style, the difference with RSD is that these moments when RSD appears, the emotional changes are sudden and intense, feeling a deep sense of rejection and feelings of being unworthy of love, not good enough, and extreme negative self talk. These ‘episodes’ can last for hours or days and also have physical symptoms such as pain in the chest, stomach, feelings of paralysis and digestive issues.
We can also be affected by Rejection sensitive dysphoria in other areas of our lives:-
Perceived rejection from others e.g. silence on their end, maybe they haven’t replied to a text, call, this then leads to cognitive distortions and RSD.
Not living up to our own or others/ perceived expectations (Perfectionism)
Social situations where we feel judged/ shame around who we are
Criticism, whether constructive or not, can be extremely difficult and often leads to employment issues.
Conflict/ arguments
Fear of letting down others
Episodes of RSD will almost always have a clear trigger, and the emotional response and intense mood change is instantaneous.
It can be really difficult to explain to loved ones and colleagues/ managers and can lead to people pleasing, a distorted sense of self, low self esteem, depression, anxiety and masking. We are unable to show up as ourselves and our identity becomes lost.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria only really emerged with more knowledge and understanding in the 2000’s and isn’t on the DSM-5.
What are some things we can do to help manage RSD?
Educate and become aware of RSD. When we learn how RSD works, what our specific triggers are, we can focus on tools to help manage episodes and look at other possible outcomes.
What are your values/ strengths? Take some time to explore these. It can take time to discover what our values are when we have been masking for so long.
To identify some strengths, ask trusted friends/ family. Ask yourself how you have overcome your most challenging times in life.
What kind of people/ activities bring you closer to your authentic self? What does it feel like when you are around these people/ doing what you love? This is where we want to be. And where we want to look at aligning our values.
Movement. As simple as this sounds, what we experience when it comes to RSD is physical as well as emotional. Moving our body or working with our breath in a way that feels safe to us can help us regulate our nervous system.
Can Coaching work for RSD?
If you feel that RSD is taking the lead in your life Therapeutic Coaching can help you discover tools and strategies for managing and reducing episodes and also help you explore your sense of self again and claim back your power through discovering your authentic self.